Insomnia – revisited

Hello friends,

I must apologize for not checking in in such a long while; life just gets in the way, and things you intend on doing (and really want to do) sometimes get put on the back burner. Truthfully, even though I often thought about writing more, I felt as if I had nothing to say. So, the time slipped away. Please accept my humble apology.

Today, well actually, since last Sunday, I am away on a spiritual retreat. This is the second time that I have done this in as many years. The first one was a silent retreat, just for me to reconnect with myself rather than the world. It was the hardest thing that I’ve done in a long while, but also the most rewarding. Once I went into complete silence, I could not break it for three days. The things you hear when you’re not speaking so much! This time, I’m able to talk, but am taking a workshop called “Awakening the Soul”. Details to come…..

Insomnia

Hello friends,

So, it is approximately 12:45am CST, and even though I have an 8:00am physical therapy appointment, I am wide awake.

This has been happening off and on for a couple of weeks now, but usually I fall asleep with no problem, and then wake up in the middle of the night, alert and full of energy. I feel like I could get up out of bed and do things like read my book or surf the web, cook a really good breakfast or anything. My mind races, thinking of things I need to do the next day or things that I forgot to do the day before. I force myself to fall back asleep or I will feel terrible upon sunrise. And so, with much effort, I drift off again.

Tonight, however, is different.

Tonight I am struggling to get drowsy; I’ve watched YouTube videos, searched the web, play games, with the hopes that I would get sleepy. Nothing is working. It’s almost 1 in the morning. I have to go to sleep. I’m getting up in five hours. Tomorrow will be a long day. I don’t want to take any meds to help me sleep, so I’m just going to have to force it.

Goodnight/morning, friends. Until we meet again.

Pet therapy

Hello friends,

For 13 years, we enjoyed the company of two wonderful dogs, Midnight and Shadow, our Mini Schanuzers. They were brothers with lots of personality. They did everything together, and I mean everything. Shadow passes first, unexpectedly, and then a year and a half later, Midnight passed. Losing them was hard for the family, and it took a while to get used to a quiet house again. 

But then the time came when we missed having dogs around. The search began. We knew we wanted Mini Schnauzers again, and we gave rescues a try. We saw some we really liked, but it wasn’t meant to be. So, after a while, we gave Midnight and Shadow’s breeder a call on a whim, to see if she had an older dog available. We were not looking for a puppy again. Luckily, she happened to have a girl. We agreed to meet, and fell in love with the dog at first sight. She’s all black, stunning, and loves to give kisses. We knew we were taking her home.

A few days later, the breeder called and said she had “a proposition “. She had another dog that was too small to breed, and wanted to know if we would like to take her as well. We were not planning on getting two dogs again, but there must be a reason for us to have two. So, we talked about it and decided to do it. 

This morning, we were so excited to pick them up! We got all of their supplies, along with some frilly dresses, and introduced them to their new home. So far, so good; I think they are doing just fine. 

So, I introduce to you, Sadie and Joy. 

The Heat in Hill Country

Hello friends, 

I’m on vacation with family and friends, visiting Texas Hill Country. It’s Texas, in the summer, and naturally, it’s hot, but we’re having a great time. A couple of days ago, we spent the afternoon in San Antonio and had a good time. A few hours later, the summer sun was at its peak. A few minutes in the heat and humidity, and I was feeling wiped out. Fatigue led to a headache, and I was out of energy and drive. Once we got back to our rental, I thought I would relax and feel better. No chance of that; I felt worse with every hour that passed. Pain medication did no good, and while everyone else slept, I was wide awake nursing a throbbing head with added neck and shoulder pain as a bonus. Good times. Several hours later, I managed to zen out long enough to get a couple of hours of sleep before sunrise. The next day, the headache was gone, but the neck and shoulder pain remained, but less than before. 

I was curious to see how the summer heat would affect me, if at all, so it was a learning experience, for sure. Now I know that I need to be careful when out in the heat for an extended amount of time, and to take measures to keep cool, if at all possible. This had happened to me one time before back in March, if I remember right. I guess I just needed to see if this reaction was just a fluke or a predictable pattern. Experience still is a pretty good teacher. If you didn’t learn the first time, you will get another chance.

Slow down

Hello friends,

For weeks now, my legs have been feeling really weird. Actually, it is my left leg that has been giving me the most concern. It seems like the left side of my entire body feels – different. Any issues that pop up seem to occur on the left side. Lately, it’s my leg. It feels stiff, tight like a large band is wrapped around it, compressed, and my toes feel as if they want to cramp. From the knees downward, and as of the past week, the tight feeling seems to want to creep up the back of the leg, too. When it gets really tight, doesn’t matter what time of day or night, it will change the way I walk. Like Frankenstein. A wobble of sorts, and my steps are made carefully. I wouldn’t say it’s painful yet, more an annoyance than anything else. But, when it feels that way, I try to stay off of it, if possible. I guess it is my daily reminder to slow down. Do any of you have a similar issue? If so, please leave a comment.

Revelation 

Hello, friends,

Waiting for truth to be shown to you can be a challenge at times. We all claim that we want “truth, honesty, sincerity”, etc., but we are not always ready or willing to hear it and accept it when it comes. Sometimes, it’s hard to deal with. Is it good for us? Yes, because you have an awareness of what is in front of you; an opportunity to face your reality, whatever it may be for you at that time, and experience it in the moment. For many of us, this is scary territory. We say we want truth, but we are afraid of it. “Will I like it? Will it be a little or a lot? Can I handle it? How will this change my life?”, we ask. 

What I try to remember is, God never gives us more than what we can handle. I heard someone say once, and forgive me if I can’t remember who, “If He brought you to it, He will see you through it”. Especially true if the moment of revelation that you find in front of you is bigger than you expected. We will get bumped and prodded and knocked around in this life of ours, but you have to get up, and keep your train moving…..

The hardest job ever

Hello friends, 

Today is a day of reflection, acknowledgment and appreciation. We reflect upon the things are mothers have done for us time and time and time again, if we were blessed enough to have a good relationship with her. I understand that not everyone had that experience. Some of us had rough experiences because of women who were ill-prepared for motherhood. They, for whatever reason, were not ready to accept the magnitude of the job before them. Being a mom is much more than giving birth to a human being. It is getting up early and staying up late, it is getting peed on, puked on, cried on. It’s poopy diapers and ear infections, colds and flu, bug bites and toddler bites, affection and discipline, first date and being dumped, prom nights and wedding days, sports practice and dance practice. Motherhood is very inconvenient. We try to make it fit our schedule, our lifestyle, but it does not. We are the ones constantly making the adjustments. 

There are high expectations on moms, too. We are to raise a future adult from day one, twenty-four hours a day, every day, no sick time, no breaks, no days off, for at least 20 years. Then, after all of that, you are expected to let them go to make a life of their own. We are responsible for them until they are responsible for themselves, and it is a thankless job. There is no salary, because the world cannot afford it. 

Sometimes you cry yourself to sleep, you laugh until you wet your pants, you pray for them, fear for them, live for them and would die for them. And then, after all of that, some moms go and do it again and again. The job is hard, but it has benefits. There is no manual, no instructions. The world expects you to get it right, and you consider yourself lucky if you do.

So to all the moms reading this, thank you for your efforts, for your service. You give of yourself until you collapse, and then you get up the very next day and do it again. Although we appreciate the dads to that step up to the plate and are present and active in their child’s life, many men can acknowledge the fact that when they were tired or sick or just didn’t feel like it, they looked to the mom to get the job done. And we did. And we do. And we will again tomorrow.