Insomnia – revisited (part 2)

Hello again, friends,

I had to cut short my previous post because, as luck or fate would have it, I got inspired to write the first part just minutes before my workshop was to begin, and so I had to leave quickly. Now that I have a moment or two to go into detail, I can tell you more about the retreat that I am on.

The name of the center is Siddhayatan; a Jain-Hindu spiritual center that has visitors from around the world. People come here for many reasons, and, no, you do not have to be of the same faith to participate, nor do they try to convert anyone to their faith. In fact, people of all faiths are welcome here. It is a place for personal and spiritual growth and enlightenment. As long as you come with the spirit of openness, you can choose to stay as long as you wish and participate in any programs you wish, or none at all. The philosophy is strictly non-violent, all vegetarian/vegan, and the accommodations are simple ashram-style living quarters. It is not a hotel; you will not have a television or a radio. What you will have instead is peace and serenity and quiet, an opportunity to reflect on your life and what it means to you and what you want out of it. It offers you the opportunity to clear the fog in your mind, body and spirit, so you may see things more clearly. Depending on your situation in life, it offers you the spirit of discernment, so you can see what it is you need and rid yourself of what no longer serves you.

This time in particular, I came to this place with physical tension (suffering from frequent migraines, spasticity, back pain and bursitis, to name a few). Along with those things, I also packed uncertainty about my path in life thus far. I just celebrated 49 years of life a few days ago, and although I feel good about that, I also feel compelled to change direction somehow. I’m not really sure what that means, but there is a strong, compelling feeling that something will be different on my life path; that I am to do something differently, and it will somehow involve writing. Maybe this blog is the beginning of that path, maybe it’s something else. Right now, it is still unknown. I think I am here to find clarity. Will I find it in three days? Maybe. Maybe not.

Another thing I packed with me is three weeks worth of insomnia. It started because of the pain; I would awaken at night with neck, shoulder, back and/or hip pain, sometimes all of it, and it would keep me up at night. Then, of course, I’m exhausted the next day. That has not changed here. I still have the aches and pains, still tossing and turning, still waking in the middle of the night. It is absolutely quiet and peaceful here, and that helps, but I hope that soon I will manage to get a good night’s sleep so that whatever path I am on, I can keep my train moving.

Have you ever reached a place in your life journey where you had to stop and check in, recalculate, re-evaluate the path you were on? If so, how did you do it? What was the result?